So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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