do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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