i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
