I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
