We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
