I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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