You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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