Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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