I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize