WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
