I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
