I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize