Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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