i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
