one might say we're banned from that church
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
