Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
