dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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