eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize