doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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