Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
