Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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