Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
