the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
