Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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