remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
