You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
