I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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