Welp...herpes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
