I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i now understand why vodka
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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