there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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