Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
