i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
