im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
