Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
whose ass print is on the piano?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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