Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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