I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
