how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
