We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
