Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
