Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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