i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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