I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
