franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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