if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize