I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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