Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
