My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
