She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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