so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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