you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
