TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
