Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
