We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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