a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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