he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize