Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
