I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
