When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
