Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
