i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
