I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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