Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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