I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
