normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
