question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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