For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
