I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize