So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize