Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dear god my vagina.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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