It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
